i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
