I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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