it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
