When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
