actually, I'm a sock model
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
