we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
