It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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