I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
