I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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