Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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