Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
