I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
