I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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