Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
