the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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