hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
