Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
