Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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