You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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