hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
