i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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