I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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