CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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