fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
