i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
