I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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