I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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