i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
