Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
