cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
