youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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