I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
