Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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