I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
