i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
