i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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