her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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