i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
