My room smells like vodka and shame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
