don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
