He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
