her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Randomize
