i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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