I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
