Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize