from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
