I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
