You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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