And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
