You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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